Το μείζον θέμα τσουτσούνι

Με την εγκυμοσύνη τα πράγματα που μου κάνουν εντύπωση είναι πολλά. Ένα που συναντάω πολύ συχνά είναι ότι αρκετός κόσμος δεν θέλει να ξέρει το φύλο του παιδιού. Εγώ ήθελα να το μάθω γιατί φυσικά θα έκανα κορίτσι. Κορίτσι ήμουν εγώ, κορίτσι η αδελφή μου, κορίτσι η μάνα μου – είμαστε το τρίο κιθάρα – άρα, φυσιολογικότατα ήμουν προετοιμασμένη να μου πει η γιατρός “ναι, ακόμα ένα κορίτσι για να το κάνεις φεμινίστρια και να ζήσεις το μύθο σου κι εσύ ως προοδευτική μάνα”.

Όπως καταλαβαίνουμε όλοι ήδη, δεν έγιναν έτσι τα πράγματα.

Ξεκινάμε από το πόσο σουρεάλ είναι η στιγμή που όχι απλά το μαθαίνεις αλλά μπαίνεις και στο τριπάκι – για μας ήταν η πρώτη φορά – να πάρεις way too much information για την ανατομία του παιδιού. Αργότερα τούτο το συνηθίζεις γιατί σου δείχνουν τα νεφράκια, το συκώτι κλπ αλλά μέχρι τότε εσύ ακόμα βλέπεις ένα πραγματάκι σε γενικό σχήμα μωρού και χαζοχαίρεσαι γιατί το παιδί ειναι μια γενική ιδέα ακόμα.

Η συμπαθέστατη γιατρός με ρώτησε αν θέλουμε να μάθουμε, είπαμε ναι και σοβαρότατη μας λέει “όπως βλέπουμε είναι ξεκάθαρα αγόρι” κι εμείς γυρίσαμε στο πλάι το κεφάλι και έπρεπε να τη βάλουμε να μας εξηγήσει τί ακριβώς βλέπουμε και να μας δείξει το τσουτσούνι – λες και αν το βλέπαμε στην οθόνη θα είμασταν πιο πεπεισμένοι ας πούμε.

Δύο ήταν τα πράγματα που είπα στον Αντώνη με το που βγήκαμε.

Άλφον: ΤΙ ΣΚΑΤΑ ΚΑΝΟΥΜΕ ΜΕ ΤΟ ΤΣΟΥΤΣΟΥΝΙ; Μιλάμε με έπιασε ένας πραγματικά μικρός πανικός, όλοι οι άντρες είστε συνέχεια ανήσυχοι μπας και συμβεί τίποτα στο τσουτσούνι σας – αν μπορούσατε να κυκλοφορείτε με κάποιου είδους ασπίδα θα το κάνατε – τί θα γίνει αν ας πούμε κλείσω την πάνα πολύ σφιχτά και του πατικώσω το τσουτσούνι και πονάει και μετά στραβώσει και του δημιουργήσω κανα τραύμα και μετά γίνει κανας τελειωμένος φαλλοκράτης με μισοθαμμένα προβλήματα που θα τα ανακαλύψει μετά από πολλή ψυχολογική υποστήριξη και τελικά του το βγάλει μέσα από κάποια συνεδρία ο ψυχολόγος ότι η μάνά του του είχε πατικώσει το τσουτσούνι;

Εντάξει, υπερβάλλω. Προφανώς. Αλλά δεν καταλαβαίνεις πώς είναι να ξέρεις τί έχεις και πώς το προσέχεις και ξαφνικά σου λένε “ταντααααααααα – ορίστε ένα εντελώς άγνωστο και εύθραστο εργαλείο να προσέχεις, attached σε ένα άλλο άγνωστο και εύθραστο πλάσμα που επίσης πρέπει να προσέχεις”. Εδώ προσφάτως που κάναμε τα μαθήματα τοκετού και τα βασικά για το πως προσέχουμε το βρέφος έπρεπε κάποιος να μου εξηγήσει ότι σηκώνουμε το τσουτσούνι και τους όρχεις και καθαρίζουμε γύρω γύρω. Τα αυτονόητα δηλαδή.

Αυτό όμως δεν είναι τίποτα μπροστά στον πανικό μου με έπιασε για το:

Βήτον: ΠΟΙΟΣ ΘΑ ΜΕ ΒΟΗΘΗΣΕΙ ΝΑ ΜΗ ΓΙΝΩ ΕΛΛΗΝΙΔΑ ΑΓΟΡΟΜΑΝΑ ΠΟΥ ΜΕΓΑΛΩΝΕΙ ΤΟΝ ΙΗΣΟΥ ΧΡΙΣΤΟ. Εκεί μπορεί να πανικοβλήθηκα και να έδωσα πολλά δικαιώματα στον Αντώνη γιατί τον όρκισα ότι πρέπει να με μαζεύει. Ξέρω γω μπορεί να υπάρχει κάποια ορμόνη – η πριγκηπορμόνη ας πούμε (μη γελάς, υπάρχει η ορμόνη relaxin που σε χαλαρώνει ως έγκυο γιατί να μην υπάρχει και η πριγκηπορμόνη;) – και ξαφνικά από καθόλα λογικός άνθρωπος με κάποια κριτική ικανότητα κάτι κάνει ζμπόινγκ στον εγκέφαλο σου και νομίζεις ότι το παιδί σου θα γίνει αρχιεπίσκοπος, πρωθυπουργός, ο γαμήκουλας της γειτονιάς (θου) αλλά όλα αυτά χωρίς ποτέ να μάθει που είναι τα σώβρακα και πού τα πουκάμισα του και γενικά όντας ο τύπος που θα γυρίσεις από διακοπές και θα έχει χάσει 10 κιλά και θα ψιλοζέχνει γιατί δεν ξέρει να λειτουργήσει ως ανεξάρτητος ενήλικος.

Δε μπορεί όλες να λέμε “εγώ μεγαλώνω ανεξάρτητα αγόρια” αλλά όλες να είχαμε πρόβλημα στο να βρούμε έναν σύντροφο που είναι λογικός, ανεξάρτητος, ενήλικος και φτιάχνει και κανα φαί ή σου βάζει και καμιά κάλτσα όταν χρειαστεί! Ούτε είναι δυνατόν να είναι θέμα γενιών καθώς τα αγόρια τα νέα τα βλέπουμε γύρω μας και όχι που θέλω να κρίνω τις μανάδες τους αλλά ο ΧΡΙΣΤΟΣ ΚΙ Η ΜΑΝΟΥΛΑ ΤΟΥ ΚΟΡΙΤΣΙΑ, ΜΕΧΡΙ ΚΑΙ ΤΟΝ ΠΩΠΟ ΤΟΥΣ ΣΚΟΥΠΙΖΑΤΕ ΜΕΧΡΙ ΤΟ ΛΥΚΕΙΟ;

Δύο πράγματα με καθησυχάζουν κάπως: Πρώτον, έχω την αδελφή και τη μάνα μου που είναι λογικές φεμινίστριες που δε μασάνε τα λόγια τους οπότε δε μπορεί, κάποιος θα με βρίσει. Δεύτερον – ακόμα κι αν όλα αποτύχουν εντελώς με την οποιαδήποτε παρέμβαση για να αποφευχθεί η πριγκηπορμόνη, ο Αντώνης είναι ένας ανεξάρτητος ενήλικος άντρας που θαυμάζω οπότε το παιδί θα έχει ένα θετικό πρότυπο κι όχι την παρανοική μανούλα του μόνο.

Και αυτό εννοώ όταν λέω ότι πολλά μου κάνουν εντύπωση με την εγκυμοσύνη – αλλά κυρίως αυτό. Το πώς ένα σχετικά απλό θέμα (το παιδί έχει τσουτσούνι) ξαφνικά ανοίγει τις πύλες της κολάσεως στο γεμάτο ορμόνες ψυχισμό σου.

300 σκέψεις σχετικά με το “Το μείζον θέμα τσουτσούνι”

  1. Λοιπόν, όπως καταλαβαίνεις, με υπαρκτά γύρω σου παραδείγματα (ναι ο Αντώνης, ναι εγώ) δεν είναι δύσκολο να μεγαλώσεις κάποιον αυτοσιτιζόμενο, αυτοκαθαριζόμενο και με σεβασμό τσουτσουνοφόρο.
    Η βασική αρχή, αν θυμάμαι καλά από τη μάνα μου, που δε θα λεγα ότι δε με καλόμαθε ΑΛΛΑ δε με έκανε γάϊδαρο μισογύνη άχρηστο είναι η εξής: Το γιόκα σου τον περιποιείσαι και τον βοηθάς αλλά από 10 χρονών και μετά τον βάζεις να βοηθάει και στο μαγείρεμα και στο πλύσιμο και στο συμμάζεμα. ΔΕΝ του πρήζεις τα συκώτια απο 3 χρονων να μαζεύει το δωμάτιο αμα ξεμείνει κανα Play mobil κάτω-γιατι στη εφηβεία μπουρδέλο θα το χει, deal with it- , αλλά ούτε και τον έχεις “ζμπουτσαμ, θα τα φτιαξει η μαναμ”. Το ένα άκρο κάνει το παιδί ψυχαναγκαστικό το άλλο μαρκήσιο που θέλει υπηρέτρια. Οι υπερβολές ποτέ δε βοήθησαν. Ούτε πριγκηπουλίνος ούτε “ΘΑ ΦΑΣ 10 ΒΟΥΡΔΟΥΛΙΕΣ ΓΙΑΤΙ ΞΕΧΑΣΕΣ ΤΟ ΠΟΤΗΡΑΚΙ ΣΟΥ ΣΤΟ ΣΑΛΟΝΙ. ΔΕ ΜΕ ΝΟΙΑΖΕΙ ΑΝ ΔΕΝ ΞΕΡΕΙΣ ΝΑ ΜΕΤΡΑΣ ΜΕΧΡΙ ΤΟ 10, ΤΙ ΕΙΝΑΙ ΟΙ ΒΟΥΡΔΟΥΛΙΕΣ ΚΑΙ ΑΝ ΕΙΣΑΙ 2 ΧΡΟΝΩΝ”.

  2. Εσταριαν, ολα καλα αυτα που γραφεις στο σχολιο σου αλλα η ανατροφη ειναι κατι πολυ πιο περιπλοκο. Με ολο το σεβασμο στους γονεις σου μιας και δεν τους ξερω, αν η ανατροφη ηταν τοσο απλη, δεν θα ειχες την αναγκη να πινεις σε τετοιο βαθμο που να γραφεις οτι ειχες θεμα με το συκωτι σου, αν θυμαμαι καλα, σε προηγουμενη αναρτηση. Οι αυτοκαταστροφικες συμπεριφορες κατι δηλωνουν. Οχι κατι κακο, ουτε κατι καλο, απλως ειναι αποτελεσμα των εμπειριων που εχουμε βιωσει. Το ιδιο και με την Γκιουσου (δεν ξερω κανεναν σας προσωπικα, απλως λεω τι διαβαζω στα βλογ σας), ενας εξωτερικος παρατηρητης που διαβαζει τις αναρτησεις της μπορει πολυ ευκολα να καταλαβει για ποιους λογους μπορει να μην λειτουργησει ο γαμος της (κατι που το απευχομαι). Και δεν ειναι δυσκολο να το καταλαβει κανεις μιας και υπαρχει μια κοινη κλωστη που εχει κανει τις προηγουμενες σχεσεις της να μην λειτουργουν. Και αυτο θα το πω ξανα δεν ειναι ουτε καλο ουτε κακο, ειναι απλως η Σοφια, ο Εσταριαν και ο γραφων (Παντελης). Οι ανθρωποι ειμαστε περιπλοκα οντα, πολυ πιο περιπλοκα απο ο,τι νομιζουμε οποτε το να νομιζουμε οτι μπορουμε να μεγαλωσουμε παιδια χωρις να εχουμε δουλεψει τον εαυτο μας ειναι πολυ δυσκολο. Για σενα εσταριαν, φαινεται πχ πολυ ευκολα οτι δεν ειχες unconditional acceptance απο τον πατερα σου ας πουμε και αυτο σου βγαινει πολυ στον τροπο με τον οποιο γραφεις και ζητας την επιβεβαιωση απο τους αναγνωστες. Πιστευεις οτι αυτο μπορεις να το λυσεις και να μην το περασεις στο παιδι σου; Και αν ναι, πως σκεφτεσαι να το λυσεις; Για να μην παρεξηγηθω, θα ηθελα να γινει διαλογος. Εννοειται πως αν θεωρειτε το μηνυμα αγενες η οτι μπαινω σε ξενα χωραφια, δεν χρειαζεται να το δημοσιευσετε. Και αν διαβαζει καποιος τριτος, αυτα που γραφω εδω ειναι οσα εχω καταλαβει απο τις αναρτησεις σας, δεν λεω καμμια επιστημονικη γνωμη (εχω υπαρξει θεραπευομενος αλλα δεν ειμαι θεραπευτης, ξερω ομως εναν πολυ καλο ελληνα στη Γερμανια αν θετε για τετοια ζητηματα). Μπορει λοιπον να εχω ερμηνευσει λαθος αυτα που εχετε γραψει αλλα και παλι θα χαρω να γινει διαλογος. Εχω αφησει και το ιμειλ μου. Ευχαριστω για το χρονο σας. Καλα γεννητουρια.

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