Η βάφτιση με το ζόρι – το σατανικό σχέδιο του παππού

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Το παιδί είναι ακόμα αμέριμνο στην κοιλιά μου αλλά σημεία διαφωνίας με τους παππούδες υπάρχουν ήδη – καθόσον εκείνοι σε γέννησαν και ξέρουν καλύτερα. Ως γνωστόν εσύ είσαι μια ματριόσκα κι όταν σε έκαναν, έφτιαξαν επίσης εν δυνάμει και όλους σου του απογόνους οπότε σους σιωπή και σώπαινε αυτοί μιλάνε τώρα.

Όσοι θυμούνται τις μεγάλες επιτυχίες του πατέρα μου όπως το “Η κόρη μου τσιτσίδι“, δεν θα εκπλαγούν με το νέο του σουξέ “Βάφτιση με το ζόρι” το οποίο δεν είναι ΚΑΘΟΛΟΥ αυτό που νομίζετε. Δεν σηκώθηκε δηλαδή κι άρχισε να απειλεί θεούς και δαίμονες αν δε βαφτίσουμε τον εγγονό – δεν είναι και το στυλ του αν θυμόμαστε. Απεναντίας, έβαλε το μυαλό του να δουλέψει και το σατανικό του σχέδιο αξίζει ειδικής μνείας σε τούτο το blog.

Ο μπαμπάς μου αν θυμάστε, δεν θέλει να επεμβαίνει. Παλιά έσκαγε και στεναχωριόταν και προσπαθούσε με χίλιους τρόπους να καταλάβει τί συμβαίνει χωρίς όμως να ρωτάει ευθέως γιατί όπως η πλειοψηφία των μπαμπάδων, δεν θέλει να ανακατεύεται (ή δεν θέλει να φαινεται ότι ανακατεύεται). Με τα χρόνια έχει βρει καταστάσεις στις οποίες η φάση του είναι “σιγά μην κλάψω σιγά μη φοβηθώ” και περνάει απεναντίας στο επίπεδο “Τασσώ Καββαδία” σε σημείο που σκέφτομαι σοβαρά να κάνω ότι δεν κατάλαβα για να εφαρμόσει το σχέδιο του – τόσο πολύ με εντυπωσιάζει το σενάριο που καταστρώνει.

Αυτό που θα παρουσιάσουμε σήμερα, καταστρώθηκε κυριολεκτικά εν μία νυκτί όταν ανακοινώσαμε ότι είμαι έγκυος, καταστάλαξε ο αρχικός ενθουσιασμός και αρχίσαμε τα σενάρια τί φύλο να είναι, που θα γεννήσω, πώς θα το πούμε κλπ μέχρι που φτάσαμε και στο πού θα γίνει η βάφτιση, θέμα λεπτό γιατί εμείς δεν θα βαφτίσουμε το παιδί. Οι υπόλοιποι γονέοι που ρώτησαν πήραν την ίδια απάντηση αλλά δεν έχουν ασχοληθεί πολύ (υποπτευόμαστε ότι είναι επειδή δεν μας πολυπιστεύουν, σου λέει μόλις το κάνουν ξαφνικά θα γίνουν κάποιοι άλλοι, ξερωγω μπορεί και να ισχύει). Ο μπαμπάς μου όμως δεν το βάζει έτσι εύκολα κάτω. Έχει έτοιμο το σχέδιο για κάθε περίπτωση.

Ξεκινάμε από το ότι με το που του είπαμε ότι είμαι έγκυος πήρε το πρώτο νουμεράκι και αποφάσισε ότι θα έχει το παιδί ένα μήνα το χρόνο μίνιμουμ. Δεν προβληματίζεται, μπαίνει στο αεροπλάνο κι έρχεται να το πάρει – πράγμα που αποφάσισε και ανακοίνωσε κι εγώ δεν τον έχω αποθαρρύνει. Ξερωγω τούτο το βρέφος μπορεί να είναι ταλιμπάν και να θέλουμε και κανα διάλειμα.

Όταν λοιπόν θα έχει το παιδί – εγγυημένο αυτό στο σχέδιο του – θα το τσακώσει και θα πάνε με τη σύντροφο του κάπου στην Πελοπόννησο δενκατάλαβαακριβώςπούαλλάέχεικαιποτάμι όπου είχανε πάει τις προάλλες και πετύχανε έναν παππά τον οποίο ο πατέρας μου ξέρει – άκουσον άκουσον – από τα πονηρά και περιπετειώδη νιάτα του, γύρευε δηλαδή τί μύθος και θρύλος είναι και αυτός ο παππάς.

Θα συνεννοηθεί λοιπόν με τούτο τον παππά – ΘΑ ΠΑΡΕΙ ΚΑΙ ΤΑ ΠΕΘΕΡΙΚΑ ΜΟΥ – και θα πάνε εκδρομή κάπου στην Πελοπόννησο δενκατάλαβαακριβώςπούαλλάέχεικαιποτάμι και θα πετύχουν το παππά ΔΗΘΕΝ ΜΟΥ ΤΥΧΑΙΑ και ο παππάς θα ρωτήσει ΔΗΘΕΝ ΜΟΥ ΑΘΩΑ “α καταπληκτικό εγγόνι, μπράβο, συγχαρητήρια, το βαφτίσατε;” κι ο μπαμπάς μου θα πει όχι και τότε ο παππά ΘΑ ΤΣΑΚΩΣΕΙ ΤΟ ΠΑΙΔΙ και θα το βουτήξει στο ποτάμι ΚΑΙ ΘΑ ΤΟ ΒΑΦΤΙΣΕΙ ΩΣΑΝ ΤΟΝ ΒΙΒΛΙΚΟ ΗΡΩΑ.

Μετά ο πατέρας μου θα βγάλει φωτογραφίες, θα περάσει στο παιδί το σταυρό (αλλά μετά θα προσποιηθεί ότι τον πήρε αργότερα καθότι που ήξερε ότι θα πετύχει τον παππά και θα βαφτίσει ο τρελάκιας και το παιδί) και θα μας πει με αθώα έκπληξη για την εκδρομή που πήγανε κάπου στην Πελοπόννησο δενκατάλαβαακριβώςπούαλλάέχεικαιποτάμι, την τυχαία συνάντηση με τον παππά και την καθόλα τυχαία βάφτιση αστραπή.

Αν αναλογιστούμε το πόσο σατανικό είναι τούτο το σχέδια, ειλικρινά, στη θέση μας δεν θα μπαίνατε στον πειρασμό να τον αφήσετε να το εφαρμόσει;

257 σκέψεις σχετικά με το “Η βάφτιση με το ζόρι – το σατανικό σχέδιο του παππού”

  1. OXI. Έλεος με τους τράγους. Πρέπει να μάθουν και οι γονείς να σέβονται τις επιθυμίες σας – το ότι το κάνει από την καλή του την καρδιά εμένα δεν με καλύπτει. Σόρι.

    1. Χα χα χα χα – ναι μωρέ δεν πρόκειται αλλά ήταν τόσο εντυπωσιακό αυτό το σχέδιο, τρελάθηκα σου λέω!

  2. Το σχέδιο ακούγεται τέλειο για εμάς τους απέξω – για εσάς τους από μέσα δεν ξέρω πόσο μπορεί να παραμείνει στο αστείο του πράγματος και να εξακολουθείτε να γελάτε εάν εφαρμοστεί.
    Επειδή όμως όλοι έχουμε γονείς αυτής της γενιάς / νοοτροπίας κλπ κλπ, νομίζω ότι τελικά όλα εξαρτώνται από την γενικότερη συμπεριφορά του γονιού – as known as πρότερο έντιμο βίο. Στην δική σου περίπτωση που ο μπαμπάς σου (μου /του) είναι ένας γενικότερα χαμηλών τόνων άνθρωπος, κατά κύριο λόγο υποστηρικτικός και μη παρεμβατικός, και μόνο εφόσον δεν σας πολυκόφτει κιόλας μια τέτοια εντελώς αυθόρμητη και καθόλου προσχεδιασμενη βάφτιση, πόσο γαμάτο πλάνο, και ναι να το κάνει και να μας στείλει και φωτογραφίες να γουστάρουμε. Στην περίπτωση που ο γονιός είναι γενικά ανακατώστρας, ξερόλας και σε (με / τον κλπ) αντιμετωπίζει σαν να είσαι εσύ το αβάπτιστο βρέφος που πρέπει να τον ακούσεις γιατί πολύ απλά δεν ξέρεις, εκεί δυστυχώς παίζει η περίπτωση του να βλέπει το εγγόνι με το σταγονόμετρο.
    Και να γιατί κυκλοφορούν τριανταπεντάρηδες με μαλλί όρθιο, για κάτι τέτοια πλάνα, που ενώ κατά βάθος έχουν πολλή πλάκα και δε γαμιεται, ας τα κάνουν, άμα έχεις καεί στο χυλό, φυσας και το γιαούρτι.

    1. Χίλια δίκια έχεις, εξαρτάται κι από το πόσο σου έχουν ψήσει το ψάρι στα χείλη ήδη. Μωρ’ λες να ήταν νορμάλ μέχρι τώρα και με το που γίνει παππούς να μας τσακίσει; Καήκαμε!

  3. Tελειο σχέδιο, να το πει και στον δικό μου που δεν κατεβάζει ιδέες.

    Βασικά οι δικοί μου ειναι ακόμα στο “έλα οκ, δεν ακούσαμε καλά, αποκλείεται να μην τη βαφτίσουν, πλάκα κάνουν θα τους περάσει, θα κάνουν γαμωβάφτιση ” κετς.
    Θα δούμε, μπορει και να λυγίσουμε αλλά γενικα ούτε εμείς θέμε.

  4. Χαχα τέλειο!! Είμαι σίγουρη αν έλεγα στους δικούς μου κάτι τέτοιο, τέτοια σχέδια θα έκαναν κι εκείνοι 100%!! Ομολογώ δεν τόλμησα να πω ότι δεν και κάναμε διπλή βάφτιση και τα δυο παιδιά μαζί χαμηλών τόνων ομως στην εδρα μας για να μη φέρουν κάθε θείτσα, γειτονισσα κλπ. Είσαι θαρραλέα όμως εσυ και δε μασάς!! Εύχομαι όλα να πάνε καλά!! 💕💕

    1. Πάντως για να είμαστε και δίκαιοι, άλλη η πίεση όταν ζεις στην Ελλάδα κι άλλη όταν ζεις στο εξωτερικό. Δεν ρωτάει κανείς στην Αγγλία αν το παιδί βαφτίστηκε ας πούμε ούτε είναι όλοι γύρω του βαφτισμένοι. Οπότε ξες το παίζουμε γενναίοι αλλά μας βοηθάνε και οι συνθήκες.

  5. Παράθεμα: Συμβουλές για την εγκυμοσύνη: Ελλάδα vs Αγγλία – Τα Επώδυνα Γονεολόγεια

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